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I don’t hate a lot, but I do hate two things: One is the New York Yankees, and the other is when people say, “It’s just semantics.” Sometimes, it comes up in casual conversation, and I bristle a little, but I hate it when I’m coaching people about how to use language to get more of what they want (or to lose more of what they don’t want).
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When I talk to agents, the argument goes something like, “That’s just a little game you’re playing with language — I’ll be happy when I get more listings” or “That’s cute, but I need some ‘real’ coaching.”
Are you kidding? Virtually everything for a human being is semantics. Our lives are bound to semantics. Do you think Martin Heidegger was messing around when he said, “Language is the house of being”? Are people honestly arguing that they are more productive when worried, fearful or upset?
The evidence points to the fact that everything we touch, see or feel is instantly put into some semantic context, which immediately shapes our experience of whatever we touch, see or feel.
Try to find three things in your life that don’t live for you semantically. Sure, we have experiences that transcend language; there is no doubt about this. The momentary awe felt when we saw a sunrise, a glimpse of the divine when we saw some piece of art — these are fleeting wisps of time.
Then, at the precise moment we become conscious of these things, language descends upon us, and we box the experience into some semantic cage. In other words, it’s all semantics, dude.
Got to vs. get to
The difference between “got to” and “get to” is a fairly popular idea on the motivational speaker circuit, with no one particular source I could find. James Clear talks about it in Atomic Habits, and Jim Rohn talked about it before him. I’m sure there’s more than that if you want to look.
You could interpret Hamlet’s conversation with Guildenstern and Rosencrantz, wherein he says, “For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” in a way that fits the general idea of how we live lives rooted in our semantics. My point is that it’s not a new thought.
And yet, changing that one letter from “o” to “e,” “got” to “get,” changes everything. (Unless you’re an “it’s just semantics” kinda person.)The implications are not unclear to us.
When we have things we’ve “got to do” we have built a house of obligation, burden and domination. When we look at things as things “we get to do,” well then, we live a life full of privilege and opportunity, clearing the way for joy.
Understanding this is relatively easy. Living it is something else. The problem is the attempt to think “positively” and pretend we are happy about doing something we don’t experience joy for.
We are layering positive thinking on top of something we feel obligated to do, and as one of my mentors says, “Icing hiding shit doesn’t make it a cake.” Pretending you are happy to lose a client or that the market has 40 percent less activity than a year ago is not the answer.
I am not talking about faking it till we make it. That has a place, to be sure, but merely pouring “get-tos” over things we hate doing will not get us there.
We don’t rise to the occasion; we sink to the level of our preparation
Navy SEALS, Buddhists and ancient Greeks all say this same thing (and when those disparate groups share a thought, we might want to pay attention).
We are clear about this when it comes to physical activities. We go to the gym, run marathons, mountain bike, do yoga, etc., all to keep our bodies ready for the life we live (or prepare for the life we want to live). But can we train our brains to live a grateful life?
Can we experience gratitude when we don’t get what we want? When things are terrible? When life hands us lemons? The evidence is clear. Yes, we can. Multiple studies over the last 50 years have demonstrated the value of mindfulness and meditation as tools for training our brains to interact with our environment in a grateful way.
The practice of living gratefully involves being on the lookout for opportunities to flip the switch, to move from obligation and burden to honor and privilege. Committing to a practice of noticing the miracles all around us prepares us to live happier, more productive lives.
I have a friend, an amazing performer and painter, who calls this “aggressive appreciation”: living life with a potent edge to really see what’s in front of us at any given moment and to find what there is to appreciate in that person, situation or place.
Gratitude triggers are everywhere
Surely, holding your newborn child is a moment most of us would agree triggers gratitude. Witnessing and participating in that one moment strikes most people as having witnessed a miracle — in fact, the whole thing is often packaged and spoken of as the “miracle of childbirth.”
Hard to argue against this idea.
Standing in the hospital, watching my wife experience pain I will never (thankfully) experience, in a final push (and a scream) pops out this tiny, perfect person; I was clear I had witnessed a miracle.
One egg, one sperm, met roughly nine months prior. They divided and divided and divided, with each cell containing the potential to become any body part. Each one somehow knew how to develop into toes and hair and lungs and blood, the whole thing somehow dividing and growing, and that turned into a perfectly formed baby girl (and then, three years later, a baby boy). That was and is a miracle.
Seriously, who’s arguing against this?
At the same time, is there anything so common? Could anything be more ordinary? Is there anything that you and I, and literally every single other human, have more in common than being born? It is the very definition of ordinary. It could not possibly be more ordinary.
Being born is undoubtedly the most common and most miraculous thing we can ever experience.
Einstein said it best: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Well, then, isn’t it up to us how we look at it? I mean, is it a miracle? Yep! Is it ordinary? It couldn’t be more so.
Coffee’s for closers
There’s nothing like a cup of joe to start the day. It’s certainly one of the things I look forward to. Simple and pure, it’s one of my favorite rituals.
Little is more common for us than starting the day this way. And yet, what a miracle. Some Yemeni goat herder in the 15th century noticed his goats acting differently after eating some beans. Hundreds of years later, I open my cabinet, grind some of these magic beans, and I’m happier.
Someone invented the trucks that deliver it to the store. Someone built the roads. Someone stocked it. Every single step over these five centuries had to happen to bring that cup to your lips this morning. How did the generations of parents, grandparents and great-great-great-great-grandparents all line up perfectly for this cup in front of me to happen? Are you joking?
That is a miracle, dude. It is all a miracle.
Maybe it is ‘just’ semantics, dude
After thinking about this for a while, a new thought struck me. What if I changed how I heard “it’s just semantics”?
What if the triviality imparted onto semantics by “just” in this sentence isn’t the only way to hear that sentence? Instead, what if it is meant to point out how simple it is to shift the quality of our lives because semantics are malleable?
Miracle or ordinary? It’s just semantics. You get to choose. Got to or get to? Same. Just semantics. You get to choose. One gives you one quality of life, and the other gives you a different quality. Choose. After all, it’s just semantics.
Aaron Hendon’s extensive experience in real estate and entrepreneurship has given him a unique perspective on how to navigate even the most unstable market conditions. Connect with Aaron on Instagram and LinkedIn.
