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In today’s tough market, clear communication is everything. It’s not only about what you say, but how you say it. This includes your body language, tonality and the subtle cues that create connection and trust.
Jamie Miller, founder of the Art of Conscious Communication, is a master in this field. His insights on body language and tonality can dramatically improve your ability to better connect with your clients, negotiate more effectively, and close more deals.
I recently met Miller at a Money Multiplier event where he spoke on body language. I’ve studied body language and neurolinguistic programming (NLP) for over three decades, but I’ve never heard anyone address the content Miller covered in our interview. I strongly urge you to watch the video to get the full impact of what he does and how you can use these powerful strategies in your business.
The ethical foundation of neurolinguistic programming (NLP)
Before diving into his strategies, Miller emphasized the importance of applying neurolinguistic programming (NLP) in an ethical way. While NLP techniques can be powerful, their purpose should always be to serve clients ethically and responsibly.
“I believe everything should be done with integrity, good ethics, good morals, Miller said. “If people believe in themselves, and they believe they can provide a service ethically, that they can deliver on the promises they make to another human being, what I teach will elevate their game. If you are not coming from service, you need to rethink your value proposition.”
Body language: The silent connector
Miller highlighted the incredible power of body language, an aspect of communication most people overlook. He shared several techniques and anecdotes that illustrate how body language can influence interactions.
Mirroring and matching
The NLP technique of mirroring and matching is extremely effective. The way it works is you mirror back the other person’s body language. For example, if your client leans forward, you lean forward. If they put their hand on the table, you put your hand on the table. This approach unconsciously makes them feel like you are in sync with them.
The challenge is that many people are aware of this strategy. If your client notices what you’re doing, it breaks their trust and it can even cost you the relationship. Miller has an alternative approach where they mirror and match you.
“You can literally control another person’s reaction based upon what we do first,” Miller said.
For example, simple actions like nodding can encourage agreement. When you nod, most people automatically nod along with you without even thinking about it.
Putting mirroring and matching to work
Miller had some fun examples to illustrate how this works.
When you stick out your hand to shake hands, most people will shake your hand. (This is not always the case with people from other cultures.)
Miller especially enjoys using this approach when he’s at an airport.
“Just for giggles, I’d walk through the terminal when I wasn’t in a rush and high five, fist bump, and shake hands with complete strangers, just for fun and to prove that I could get them to do it,” Miller said.
One day, when he was in Target, he had another fascinating encounter:
“I’ll never forget this big, tall dude walking towards me who had a face of misery on him. So, I can’t help myself. I have to leave people feeling better off than when they found them. I was walking towards him, smiling, trying to turn his frown into a smile.
“When that didn’t work, I put a finger on each side of my frown and pulled my mouth into a smile.”
Miller then said the man couldn’t help himself — he smiled back. The result was that they ended up having a great conversation. Here’s what the man had to say:
“Dude, I wasn’t feeling great, but you left me feeling a lot happier.”
Addressing closed-off body language
When your client crosses their arms, and especially if they lean away from you, that’s a major red flag that they’re not on board with what you’re saying or proposing. On the other hand, if they are leaning towards you, they’re with you.
Most agents ignore crossed arms because they don’t know what to do. Rather than asking if they’re upset (negative connotation), Miller has a unique way of approaching this issue by asking multiple-choice questions:
“Hey, I noticed you crossed your arms. Would you like me to adjust the temperature — is it a bit cold in here? Would you like more clarity on something I just shared, or is that just how you sit sometimes?”
This approach removes negative connotations and opens the door for clearer communication.
Noticing how they respond to what you’re saying
A shift from a frown or neutral expression is another important clue that they’re with you. Rather than ignoring it, acknowledge the shift.
“I couldn’t help but notice that you smiled, right? Can I take it that you really enjoyed what I just shared? Miller said. “Then when they say, ‘Yes, I did,’ you can invoke more emotion in the conversation.”
You can then follow up by saying:
“’Hey, can you tell me more about that?’ At that point, the client is doing all the talking in a positive direction based upon you calling out something they did body language-wise.”
Tonality: the unsung hero of persuasion
Tonality plays a critical role in communication. Miller explained how changes in pitch, volume and pace can steer conversations and build confidence:
Lower your voice to show confidence
When asking important questions, end sentences with a downstroke (downward inflection) to convey authority. Miller noted:
“When you lower your voice at the end of the sentence, that puts you in control of the conversation.”
Create emotional engagement
People make decisions emotionally before justifying them logically. Miller advises focusing on emotional triggers during conversations.
Notice when clients struggle to find the right words
Watch for moments when clients struggle to find words. Miller explained this indicates that they’re emotionally engaged.
“If someone is logical and answers quickly, it’s too soon to ask for the business,” Miller advised. “When they struggle to describe their feelings, that’s the right moment.”
Use the word ‘believe’
Miller calls the word “believe,” the most powerful word in sales. For example, when you’re ready to close for the listing, ask:
“Do you believe I can help you achieve your goals?”
How the client responds will allow you to identify their readiness to move forward. As Miller said, “People do things on emotions first, then justify with logic. Get them to an emotional space where they’re excited, and you’ll close the deal with ease.”
7 practical applications for Realtors
Miller provided real-world examples illustrating how conscious communication techniques can be applied in real estate:
1. Encourage specificity
The more specific someone gets in their question, the more likely the outcome will be positive. This is true for both you as a Realtor as well as your clients.
2. Communicate value
When you go on a listing appointment, rather than asking, “What are you looking for in a Realtor,” Miller recommends being much more specific. “What are you specifically looking for in a Realtor that will bring so much value that you would feel confident in signing a listing agreement with me today?”
3. Build rapport
For building rapport in person, Miller advises against sitting across from clients at a table, as it creates a physical barrier. “I would sit at the king or the queen head of the table, but make sure I’m sat nearest to the man, so I’m not intimidating or disrespecting the marriage,” Miller said. He also recommends standing closest to the man on showings, never closest to the woman.
4. Embrace video messaging
Instead of generic voicemails that start with the phrase, “I’m so and so with XYZ real estate company” which usually results in the person hanging up, send video text messages instead. It’s important you do it with a smile.
Miller said, “Start with, ‘Hey, I always find these messages fascinating. When I do a video message like this, people always want to reach back out to me.’ That subtle statement of outcome elevates the chances of that outcome.”
5. Understand buying signs
Based on my experience, when your clients breeze in and out of the house without asking questions, they’re not interested in the property. On the other hand, when clients are interested in a property, they often do many of the following:
- Ask for more details about the property, i.e., ask more specific questions as Miller noted.
- Go back to take a second look at a part of the property.
- Unroll the property brochure to look at it a second time.
The most important buying sign is when they raise an objection. Buyers only object when they see themselves living in the property.
6. Say ‘I could be wrong’
One of the most powerful phrases Miller recommended was, “I could be wrong.”
“The second you say I could be wrong, whatever you say next is more palatable for the individual in front of you.”
7. Overcome objections
When your clients express concerns, such as waiting for the market to change, use permission-based questioning:
“Is it okay if I share something with you? Would you say you that you have really bad taste, or would you say have amazing good taste when it comes to a home?” Miller said.
“No one in the world is going to admit they have terrible taste in homes. So, know they want to say they have good taste. At that point, I can steer the conversation by filling their head with questions.”
You can then ask what they will do if they wait to list their house and the market crashes. Alternatively, waiting until the market is better means you have more competition for the home you want, because people will be fighting that home.
Conscious communication is the cornerstone of real estate success
Miller’s insights provide a blueprint for improving your overall communication skills and building deeper relationships with your clients. By integrating Miller’s techniques into your practice, you’ll not only build better rapport and trust, but you will also be a stronger negotiator who overcomes objections with ease and closes more deals.
Bernice Ross, president and CEO of BrokerageUP and RealEstateCoach.com, and the founder of RealEstateWealthForWomen.com is a national speaker, author and trainer with over 1,500 published articles.
