My whole mission in promoting the power of mindfulness is this: Every coach in the world talks about the power of a positive mindset, but none talks about how to get one.
Mindfulness is the how.
But the constant push for a positive mindset itself is a problem. This implies that either positive or negative options are available.
There is a third option.
It’s a position of neutrality. A view that things simply “are the way they are.”
Shakespeare has Hamlet say, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” and this is a position of power far beyond simply positive thinking.
History of positive thinking
Some background on positive thinking is helpful here.
Positive thinking has existed for centuries. Its roots can be traced back to Aristotle, but most know it through its modern evolution from the New Thought Movement in the mid-19th Century, spearheaded by Phineas Parkhurst Quimby (my punk rock band’s name).
This philosophy of the mind highlighted the power of positive thinking to shape the quality of our lives and was later popularized by Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich.
As real estate professionals, we are no strangers to the power of positive thinking. It’s ingrained in our success playbook, from cultivating an empowering mindset to visualizing successful closings.
As I said, every team leader, managing broker and coach in the world beats this drum.
I’m not here to bash it. In fact, I’m as big a fan of this philosophy as anyone. I make it a point to read Think and Grow Rich every year, and if you still need to check out Hill’s less famous follow-up, Outwitting the Devil: The Secret to Freedom and Success, add it to your reading list.
The problem defined
But here’s the rub — there’s a part of this conversation that no one addresses. A blind spot, if you will.
What do we do with negative thoughts? You know, the ones that creep in when a deal falls through or a client ghosts you after weeks of effort?
In our culture of “think positive” and “manifest success,” negative thinking is treated like something to avoid at all costs.
I’ve been guilty of this mindset, thinking negative thoughts would somehow draw more negativity into my life.
I would shove those thoughts down, afraid that acknowledging them would attract more bad outcomes.
But through mindfulness, I’ve learned that suppressing negativity can be more damaging than the thoughts themselves.
It creates a breeding ground for toxic positivity — a state where we pretend everything is OK, even if it’s not.
Let’s face it: In real estate, as in life, shit happens. And if we don’t learn how to handle the inevitable lows, we’re destined to live an inauthentic and anxious existence.
Alternatively, by learning to acknowledge the challenges, we can face them with peace, power and freedom.
So, let’s take a deeper look at the problem with blind positive thinking and how to manage negative thoughts that are bound to arise.
The positive thinking paradigm
The people we turn to for advice and guidance often tell us to “think positive.” We’re encouraged to focus only on good thoughts — visualizing a deal closing, imagining happy circumstances and believing everything will work out.
It’s as if there’s an unwritten rule that successful agents should always be positive, no matter what. But this relentless pressure to stay upbeat can become a burden.
It’s exhausting to keep up the facade, and it’s not realistic.
New agents burn out more quickly than they should, and seasoned agents bring the stress home, making our “off time” stressful (I know. I know. We don’t have off time, and maybe this is part of why).
The inevitability of negative thoughts
Let’s be honest — negative thoughts are inevitable. Deals fall through, clients change their minds, and sometimes, the market isn’t in our favor.
Those never present themselves in a positive light.
Negative thoughts are a natural reaction to these experiences; pretending otherwise doesn’t make them disappear.
A valid and robust ontological law of the universe states that whatever you resist persists. Anything you suppress will stick around and come back in some other form.
Negative thoughts creep in, whether a personal crisis, a loved one’s illness or professional challenges, like a particularly tough month in sales, happen all the time.
Acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re human.
Ignoring these realities and the ensuing thoughts only delays one’s ability to address them effectively. We all know this at some level, but doing something about it is a different matter.
The importance of acknowledging negative thoughts
Suppressing negative thoughts doesn’t make them go away — it keeps them stuck.
The more you push them down, the more they simmer under the surface, affecting your mood and productivity.
But when you acknowledge them, you take away their power. There’s a relief in saying, “Yeah, that sucked,” and then moving forward.
Here’s where a unique kind of personal responsibility, available through mindfulness, comes in.
You gain clarity when you recognize that you’re labeling an event as negative. When a deal falls through, maybe it’s not inherently wrong — maybe your perception of it as bad creates the emotional weight.
This is where a solid mindfulness practice is invaluable. Being able to step behind your thoughts before (or after) you’ve labeled them as positive or negative gives you a decided advantage in acting on the situation.
It’s critical to remember that the only thing that matters in reality is what you act on in reality.
You can’t think your way to new circumstances, so giving yourself the most empowering mindset to act is the game.
Both the Buddhists and the Navy Seals have the same orientation to life (and when two organizations so seemingly different come together, it might be worth paying attention). Their view is this: You don’t rise to the occasion; you sink to the level of your preparation.
Mindfulness is a practice that prepares the mind for these challenges in the same way cardio work prepares the body for running a marathon.
Avoiding the trap of victim mentality
Understanding your role in labeling events is critical to overcoming the impact of your thoughts. Declaring something negative is a personal interpretation; it’s not an objective truth.
When you own that you’re the one assigning the label, you reclaim your power over the situation.
But here’s the tricky part: People prefer to avoid taking responsibility. It’s easier to fall into a victim mentality and believe that bad things are simply happening to you.
In real estate, this might look like blaming the market, the clients or some other external circumstances for your struggles.
While some factors are outside your control, staying in the victim mindset robs you of the opportunity to grow, act and improve.
The point isn’t to take the blame; in fact, it’s not about blame at all. It’s about getting behind the thoughts and noticing that things are, as Shakespeare said, neither good nor bad, but thinking makes them so.
The key to overcoming negative perceptions
The central element in overcoming negative thoughts is this expression of responsibility.
When you take ownership of how you perceive a situation, you gain the power to make a difference. This doesn’t mean you gild over the challenges or pretend everything is fine.
Instead, you face the situation head-on, knowing that your interpretation and response are within your control.
Mindfulness has been scientifically proven to grow the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for rational thought, and shrink the amygdala, the part of the brain that reacts emotionally.
In real estate, this could mean reframing a failed deal as an opportunity to refine your skills or try a different approach.
It could mean seeing a tough market as a time to build relationships and foster long-term trust rather than focusing on short-term wins.
If you get hung up on the negativity (or positivity) of any situation, you become stuck in living like subjectivity is objectivity — pretending the way we see it is the way it is.
Separating our thoughts from reality allows us to see things as they are and gives us the space to deal powerfully with any circumstance.
The Anaïs Nin quote, “We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are,” comes to mind.
As real estate professionals, we must learn to handle the inevitable challenges with grace and responsibility if we are to be effective.
Mindfulness offers a way to face challenges authentically, empowering us to navigate the highs and lows with clarity and resilience.
Embrace the full spectrum of thoughts — positive and negative — and you’ll find a more profound sense of freedom and power in your career.
After all, success in real estate isn’t just about closing deals; it’s about how you handle the journey.
