TikTok says men think about Rome. Women’s #RomanEmpire? Safety

Last year’s viral TikTok trend revealed that men spend a lot of brainpower on the Roman Empire. But what’s even more concerning is that so many women said their #RomanEmpire, the thing that takes up their brain space, is their own personal safety. They fear being attacked, raped, kidnapped and murdered — fears that go back to before the res publica fell 2,000 years ago.

According to Business Insider, it all started when Roman reenactor Gaius Flavius suggested to his 100,000 Instagram followers that women ask the men in their lives how much they think about the Roman Empire.

As Flavius predicted, their responses were surprising. They recorded their conversations and posted them on social media, creating a viral trend and garnering hundreds of millions of views, according to Time.

Saturday Night Live even poked fun at this trend in December, with a full song led by Jason Momoa about men, life in Rome, and all the compulsive, intrusive thoughts that seem to monopolize men’s minds.

In September, according to Insider, TikToker Danyelle Leyden flipped the script, asking what the female version of #RomanEmpire is in a response video.

Unlike SNL’s fun suggestion of astrology, which was on the list, most women responded that murder, kidnapping and the Salem Witch trials hold real estate in their minds.

The more I researched this topic, the more I talked to other women about it, and it seemed to track. There are things women think about daily that have nothing to do with philosophy or a fallen empire from 2,000 years ago. Instead, they have everything to do with trying to get through the day safely.

When I think about the Roman Empire now, I can’t help but think about the parallels between our industry and the problems we are facing right now. Rome fell for multiple reasons: corruption, over-extension of power, and invasions from outsiders who said Rome’s power had reached too far. In all honesty, it feels just a little too close to home.

@therealmom9110 #stitch with @emmy ♬ original sound – Danyelle Leyden

There is nothing romantic about these topics. Still, these issues consistently fill our Inman headlines when we report alleged incidents of sexual harassment, assault and murder of women in our industry. 

This is our Roman Empire: Thinking about how we dress, our personal safety, and whether any of that will impact our business and success.

Dress profesh

It has been said repeatedly: If you want people to take you seriously and work with you, you must dress the part. Over the summer, in one of the popular Facebook Mastermind groups for real estate, a younger agent posted that she had lost a client because the client’s wife didn’t feel comfortable having her interact with her husband.

The problem was her body and appearance, even before she had an opportunity to show her customer service skills and expertise.

From there, her post spiraled out of control. Agents gave well-meaning advice, and agents gave criticism, but almost everyone echoed that she needed to change her sex kitten ways if she wanted not to lose clients. And let’s be real, this advice is thrown around the industry as a way just to be “professional.”

The new agent was advised of the following:

• Don’t make eye contact with the husband
• Always speak with the wife
• Wear fake wedding rings
• Cover up
• Don’t wear makeup to meetings
• Make sure your profile isn’t too sexy

Significantly, very few people commented that it was the married couple’s responsibility to maintain their fidelity during a real estate transaction — not the agent trying to help them find a home. And no one pointed out that working with couples shouldn’t have any threat associated with it because of how you look.

(If you want to take a deep dive into what agents wear or shouldn’t wear, feel free to check out “I’m a real estate agent. You can’t tell me what to wear on the job,” and feel free to weigh in.)

Here are some other fun tips about how to dress for listing, open house and showing appointments

• Make sure you wear shoes that you can run in, if you need to.
• Wear this beautifully designed tracking device jewelry so we can find you when you are taken.
• Dress professionally, but don’t wear expensive jewelry or brands because you might be robbed.
• Always keep your cell phone fully charged and in your pocket.

Party problems

In January, I covered the drinking culture in our industry, which is often joked about but not discussed enough. Women are especially vulnerable, not only to higher levels of health risks but also to being a victim of sexual or physical assault when they drink.

Debra Kamin at The New York Times tackled many tough issues for women in our industry last year, including dangers at open houses, alleged sexual harassment in the highest levels at NAR and, most frighteningly, alleged sexual assault at industry events.

More women keep coming forward. Many are silent because they fear for their careers and businesses.

At Inman, we have covered these stories as well, but it’s important to note that consumers are now learning more about our industry’s dark side; this isn’t just industry-specific news coverage anymore. These stories not only have to be told, but they’re also an important part of advocating for change.

In our Roman Empire, it’s predator versus prey, and you have to stay vigilant.

Missing and murdered

Last year, I wrote about agent Ana Walshe, who went missing after celebrating New Year’s with family and friends. Who reported her missing? Her real estate brokerage, when she didn’t show up for work four days later. How many days would it take for your brokerage to know you are missing?

In 2020, 9 out of 10 murdered women were killed by men they knew, according to the Violence Policy Center (VPC), a national think tank. In nearly two-thirds of those cases, the women were wives or other intimate partners of the men.

So when women say that they think about getting kidnapped or murdered daily, I believe them. Unfortunately, Ana Walshe has never been found. Her husband is the top suspect, and he awaits trial on first-degree murder charges.

It’s just so normalized that women are murdered in our culture that some women have made it a social media joke that they maintain a binder of information about themselves for news outlets to use if they go missing to help reporters investigate who took them.

Stranger danger

My car has automatic locks, but I always hit them again when I’m in the car, even before I put my seat belt on. If I forget my cell phone, I panic, and I have to turn around to go home and find it.

I’ve written numerous stories on door-knocking. In my honest opinion, taking the chance of showing up on a stranger’s doorstep — who could potentially own guns or be mentally unstable — is not worth your own safety. Whether you have a kid or a cat waiting for you at home, taking the chance that you are at the right door at the right time seems like a gamble.

The United Nations is reporting a “shadow pandemic” of an increase in violence against women.

“Globally, an estimated 736 million women, one in three, have been subjected to some form of physical and/or sexual violence, at least once in their life,” according to Forbes article “Violence Against Women And Girls Today: One Killed Every 11 Minutes.”

It would be a luxury not to think about personal safety constantly. The only way to start turning this Roman Empire thought around, especially in the real estate industry, is to hold more people accountable for their actions.

Women can take action and step forward to make this world a safer place to work. Let’s prioritize safety and start creating office environments, industry events and public interactions that are safer. Stop letting our fears of personal safety take up valuable real estate in our hearts.

Rachael Hite is a former agent, a business development specialist, fair housing advocate, copy editor, and is currently perfecting her long game selling homes in a retirement community in Northern Virginia. You can connect with her about life, marketing, and business on Instagram