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This post was updated Mar. 5, 2024.
Recently in The New York Times six-day energy challenge, the discussion was around the concept of “energy vampires“ and “chaotic friends,” emphasizing the importance of recognizing how certain relationships can drain your energy and time — two crucial assets in the real estate business and life in general.
How do you know if someone is an energy vampire?
Energy vampires exhibit traits like constant negativity, emotional manipulation, self-centeredness, and a lack of empathy, leading to a toxic and demotivating environment. Chaotic personalities, on the other hand, may show disorganization, drama, and unreliability, disrupting workflow and the overall environment.
So much of real estate focuses on successful outcomes, and when you don’t hit the mark, it’s not difficult to fall down a proverbial rabbit hole of negativity.
Perhaps a better way to look at things is to ponder how the outcome could have been changed. We all love a good vent session, but if it’s all vent, all the time, that can be excruciatingly exhausting.
How do you audit your circle?
Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and author, suggests conducting a “friendship audit” to identify such individuals in your life.
Wondering if you have energy vampires in your circle? Ask yourself:
- Who do you look forward to spending time with?
- Who makes you feel uplifted and understood?
- Who, if anyone, do you consistently put off seeing or dread responding to?
- Who often makes you feel so irritated, keyed up or fatigued that you have to recover after seeing them?
- Who makes you regularly zone out during conversations because they don’t involve you?
In particular, Tawwab says that when you think about the last three — if these bring up specific people — they might be energy vampires. Truthfully, as I thought about those three, specific people came into my mind. Unknowingly, I have used some of the approaches noted later here to manage my energy around the vampires.
In other cases, I have completely eliminated them from my circle.
I posit that these same questions can and should be applied in one’s business life.
Because let’s be real, the obvious solution when you’ve identified who the vampires are is to avoid them. Sometimes, you simply cannot; however, what you can control is how you manage your energy and maintain your boundaries.
To handle draining situations, consider …
Shifting to activities
Tawwab talks about things like walks or movies (as this was originally around one’s personal life), so I might consider real estate-specific activities, such as broker tours or training classes.
Framing interactions around very specific activities with a finite start and end is great. You can apply this in a variety of ways, based on your personal preferences and even business practices.
Finding positives in most situations
The key word here is most situations. Some situations are, in fact, not salvageable. Sometimes it’s necessary to get to the positive core while managing all the layers.
Not everything will be a good fit, and sometimes you may have a trusted colleague or partner who is better suited to working with someone who may not be a match for you but could be a great match for them.
Setting boundaries that work for you with clients, colleagues and friends
Protecting your energy is key, and sometimes that means being highly specific about your use of time. When you are drained or exhausted, it flows into other areas of your life.
When thinking about communication and negotiation, remember that sometimes the answer is no, sometimes not right now, and sometimes it’s simply not a great fit.
Maximizing and prioritizing positive energy
Prioritize being around those who uplift you. Plan time with them regularly, and don’t hesitate to seek new friendships, if necessary.
The same goes with your clients and colleagues. I am very fortunate to have amazing clients who were either friends who became clients or clients who became friends. Over the past couple of decades, there have been some incredible agents and industry professionals who became friends as well, and that’s a gift.
Seek out colleagues who can lift, energize and be part of your circle of positive energy.
Effectively managing energy vampires and chaotic personalities is crucial in maintaining a positive and productive business environment. Balancing support with protecting your personal resources can feel overwhelming, but it’s manageable when you recognize the signs and determine how and where to spend your energy.
Nikki Beauchamp is an advisor with Sotheby’s International Realty in New York City. Connect with her on LinkedIn.
