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This post was updated Apr. 22, 2024.
Let’s face it — last year was brutal for many in the real estate industry. Soaring interest rates, reluctant sellers, commission lawsuits and chaos at the National Association of Realtors (NAR) — the year dealt blow after blow. As a result, NAR reported a decline of 1.7 percent in membership — the first such decline since 2012.
Additionally, last year, the Consumer Federation of America (CFA) put out a report in 2023 that stated that 49 percent of agents sold either one home or none at all. Adding insult to injury, many encountered life-changing personal issues last year. One associate I know not only suffered a five-year low in business revenue but also lost two siblings to unrelated health issues and had two of his cars totaled by others.
Most Realtors I know are glad last year is over and had hoped 2024 would provide an antidote to some of the pain, frustration and discouragement they have been living with. The problem is that there will always be situations that bring on discouragement, and we all get discouraged at various points in our lives.
The question is never, “Will I get discouraged?” but “How do I respond to discouragement so I don’t wallow there for long periods of time?”
A Maxwell Leadership Podcast provides four keys that, when implemented, can provide a pathway out of discouragement and despair.
1. Understand that discouragement affects everyone
No matter how upbeat or positive a person may be, there will always be situations that lead to discouragement. Lloyd Ogilvie once stated, “Discouragement is the illegitimate child of false expectations.” In other words, we set ourselves up by making false assumptions about the realities that lie ahead, and then, when they do not materialize as we had hoped or planned, we lose heart.
Many of us, heading into 2023, knew we would have a difficult road ahead and mentally planned for a market different than the previous two years, however, we did not expect it to be as bad as it turned out to be.
Neal A. Maxwell has a great definition as well: “Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.” In other words, it is not the lack of ability or skills to do the job, but a stripping away of the courage we had based on assumptions that turned out to be inaccurate.
Every fall, real estate teams begin strategizing production goals for the following year. Not only do they focus on the numbers, but they home in on the types of activities that will be required to meet those goals.
Years such as 2021 gave us a false sense of competency since all we seemingly needed to do was get out of bed to be successful. Many agents went into 2022 and 2023 assuming the same metrics would occur. Unfortunately, sellers did not cooperate en masse.
Regardless of your skill levels and core competencies, you will never meet an ambitious sales goal if there is simply no product to sell. As agents ventured further into 2023, it became very clear to everyone that our hopes and dreams for the year were going to crash into the barrier of improbability.
When your best efforts fail to accomplish your dreams and goals, whatever the reason or cause, a loss of the courage required to awaken early, eagerly embrace the day and do all of the required activities to rally some semblance of productivity begins to wane.
2. Understand the 2 types of responses to discouragement
Although discouragement is common to us all, not everyone responds in the same manner. John Maxwell points out, in a humorous fashion, that those succumbing to discouragement fall into two separate categories:
- Splatterers: Those in this category hit the bottom with a splat, then adhere there like they are stuck with glue. They descend into a morass that, if they remain too long, can lead to depression.
- Bouncers: Those in this category hit the bottom, pull themselves together and then bounce back up. They have learned to recognize the symptoms and look for a way to get up and out of their situation.
Maxwell asks a significant question: When facing discouragement, “Are you going to give up or get up?” He points out that the fundamental difference between the two groups is determined by a person’s attitude.
3. Understand the actions required to counter discouragement
Once you recognize that you are dealing with discouragement, the podcast outlines three steps in dealing with the problem:
Get the right perspective
Perspective is simply the way you look at things. Years ago I was aboard an airplane as the sun was rising. Looking out the window facing the emerging sun, the view was spectacular and bright.
As I turned and looked out the windows on the other side of the plane, however, it was still completely dark. Based on which window I viewed, the airplane was either transporting us into a bright new day or was still enmeshed in the darkness of night.
Perspective is everything. I recently talked to someone going through a difficult situation, and they said, “This will pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but this too shall pass.” In other words, no matter how difficult the night, you will still be alive in the morning.
You are in control of your perspective. You dictate what you are looking at. Ultimately, you are the only one who can decide if you will allow your circumstances to destroy your morale or if you will use them as stepping stones to move to a new and better level.
Adversity can destroy or can be used to strengthen and galvanize: The choice is yours.
See the right people
We do not exist in a vacuum. A proverb states, “An enemy might be able to defeat one person, but two people can stand back-to-back to defend each other. And three people are even stronger. They are like a rope that has three parts wrapped together — it is very hard to break.”
Seek out people who can provide the correct perspective and who will lend a hand to lift you out of your current perspective. The famous 20th-century “philosopher” Oprah Winfrey states, “Surround yourself with people who will lift you higher.”
One unknown sage put it even more succinctly: “You can’t soar with the eagles if you’re hanging out with turkeys.”
Say the right words
Maxwell quotes Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones, who stated, “Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself.” Maxwell goes on to explain, “Listening is passive, talking is active.”
If you are a normal part of humanity, then you know that you can, without even trying, generate any number of negative thoughts about yourself and your current situation. These are generated subconsciously as your body reacts to your current pain. It’s a form of self-preservation as your subconscious, aware of the distress, is sending you signals to generate flight.
In reality, we do not need to flee our current circumstances; we need to embrace them and power through to get to the next level. Instead of listening to our negative self-talk, we need to actively speak words of encouragement to ourselves.
Affirmations are a powerful way to help transform your focus from the negative to the positive and help shift your mindset in the right direction. Lisa A. Koosis, in The Science of Affirmations: The Brain’s Response to Positive Thinking, states, “Proven benefits of self-affirmation include a stronger sense of personal worth, less negative self-talk, and reduced anxiety and defensiveness in challenging situations. It may even have a beneficial effect on people dealing with health-deteriorating stress or chronic physical pain.”
4. Understand how to make positive decisions
Left on our own, most of us will migrate to the negative end of things. We get comfortable in our negativity, and rather than do the work required to get up and out, sit and stew in our quagmire.
Richelle E. Goodrich, in Smile Anyway, declares, “Disappointment is really just a term for our refusal to look on the bright side.” She continues, “There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried and found no one who cares.”
We had a graphic example in our home recently. We adopted two kittens and, even though they were brothers, were amazed at the differences in their attitudes. One was friendly and would come and snuggle in almost every situation. The other, however, was constantly avoiding human contact and would hide under anything in sight.
To teach the “scaredy cat” new behaviors, we did two things. First, we sealed off any areas he could access to hide. Second, I began taking him into a closed room with me for at least an hour and began talking to him.
Over time, as he approached, I rewarded him with affection. Today, he no longer flees and voluntarily approaches instead of running away. We had to teach him positive behaviors, and as we did, the change in his demeanor and affection was nothing short of amazing.
Brendon Burchard states, “It’s a simple choice, really. Either you let the unexpected discourage you, or you simply get curious to learn more and figure things out. You let discouragement stop you, imagining that improvement is impossible; or you simply sense things are not right YET, and you’re going to keep learning and adapting and moving forward.”
Maxwell confirms, explaining, “Discouragement is a choice.”
Abraham Zaleznik was a Harvard Business School professor who specialized in the psychodynamic of leadership. In an interview with Gerhard Gschwandtner, Zaleznik provides four keys for getting out of the disappointment trap.
Establish new priorities
Stop running. Think. Review your experience. If you are alone, put it on paper. If you have access to a good friend, talk it over.
Minimize your exposure
One major source of disappointment is unrealistic expectations. We often overestimate what our abilities can do, what money can do, what authority can do, what contracts can do, and what other people will do for us. Disappointment in expectations helps us learn about the practical opportunities in life. Unrealistic self-expectations can lead to unnecessary disappointments.
Increase your resistance
Increase your ability to tolerate love and hate, and avoid confusing them with indifference. How? Through commitment. Why? If your commitment to your job, your mission or your goal is the global reason for deploying your energies, then love or hate do not become the personal reasons for doing something. Commitments can transform the roadblocks of love and hate into clear pathways.
Put the odds in your favor
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Monitor your expectations. Know your abilities and their limits. Increase your tolerance for love and hate. Keep your eyes open to your dreams. Renew your commitments every day. Learn to accept other people’s negative feelings. Accept your vulnerability. Think.
Bottom line: Accept disappointments as growth experiences. Learn from them, or you’ll sidestep growth by becoming cynical. “Cynicism is the scar tissue of unresolved disappointment.”
Excellent advice. Which direction will you take in 2024?
Carl Medford is the CEO of The Medford Team.
