Who couldn’t use a laugh? (Even if you’re laughing at how bad the joke is.) In honor of Father’s Day, we’ve put together this list of 27 eye-rolling, groan-inducing dad jokes to share with your loved ones:
It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns. Last time, I voted for a real estate agent. (Upjoke.com)
What does a house wear? Address. (The Close)
Did you hear about Robin Hood’s house? It has a Little John. (Lighter Side of Real Estate)
Why did the house go to the doctor? It had a window pane. (The Close)
What do you need to know to become a great vacant land salesperson?
Lots. (Reddit, Fit Small Business)
Which Star Wars character would make the best Realtor? Lando Calrissian. (The Close)
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it; it’s over your head. (The Close)
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro really has the Monopoly. (Upjoke.com)
What kind of building weighs the least? A lighthouse. (The Close)
Help! What should we do with this piece of land?
It was my Christmas gift for Mariah Carey, but when I gave it to her she told me, “I don’t want a lot for Christmas.” (Upjoke.com)
“Eh, that Realtor doesn’t look so strong. I bet I can take him in a fight!”
“Are you crazy? That guy says he flips houses in his spare time!” (The Close)
What does a British real estate agent care most about?
His proper tea. (Upjoke.com)
The neighbors always leave their sprinklers on, which is a little bit annoying. It’s a source of constant irrigation. (LaffGaff.com, Fit Small Business)
I just listed a maintenance-free house. Yep, in the past 25 years, there hasn’t been any maintenance. (Lighter Side of Real Estate)
Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building? It was last but not leased. (The Close)
I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings, but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme. (Upjoke.com)
Why did the hipster real estate agent refuse to show the riverfront property?
It was too current. (The Close)
The price of real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it.
You need 9 lives to pay it off. (Upjoke.com)
How many bugs do you need to make money from your rental unit? Tenants. (Get it, 10 ants) (The Close)
What’s a real estate agents favorite song?
For lease navidad. (Upjoke.com)
I noticed that FSBO sign in your yard. I too like to live dangerously. (Jeff Knox of Knox & Associates Real Estate Brokerage, Fit Small Business)
A real estate software sales rep was on a pitch to a new agent:
“Our new combination CRM, lead generation, and transaction management software will cut your workload in half!”
“Sounds great. I’ll take two.” (Reddit, Fit Small Business)
I think I want to quit real estate. I’d rather clean mirrors for a living. It’s just something I can see myself doing.
Jimmy (reading facts and figures from his dad’s insurance tables): “Did you know that every time I breathe, a man dies?”
Dad: “Why don’t you use a little mouthwash now and then?”
Daughter: “Dad, I’m cold.”
Dad: “Go stand in a corner. It’s 90 degrees.”
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean? Because they’ve got to keep the ocean tide.
What do you call a bad joke? This.
Happy Father’s Day to all dads past, present and future from Inman! You have a proud heritage of quippy moments bestowed upon you to carry on down through the ages. You might even call it a “one-lineage”?
Got a dad joke? Please share in the comments section below.
Editor’s note: These jokes were a combination of jokes taken from or inspired by Upjoke.com. The Close, Lighter Side of Real Estate, Reddit, LaffGaff.com, Bad Dad Jokes 2019 Box Calendar Calendar, Dad Jokes: The Good. The Bad. The Terrible., Your Own Joke Book, the mind of our own Devon Broderick, who is an awe-inspiring father himself, and his son Graves, who has clearly caught the dad-joke bug.